Having something you want to do

On remembering the past, reflecting on how things have changed, and wondering how to plan my projects.

Hey there!

I’ve been wondering how I came to have personal projects I want to do.

In a way, I feel lucky, because I remember how it was before. I remember the times when I was unemployed: I was in my mid-twenties, looking for my first (sigh) job, in a different country, in a different language. That, in combination with my low self-confidence, made sending job applications a deeply demoralizing activity. It made me feel miserable 🫠

I wanted to work on myself, though. So I got myself a book titled The Miracle Morning¹. It promised to “transform your life” and all of that.

Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that book to everyone; but I also wouldn’t say it’s crap. It was helpful, at that time, in the situation I was in.

The main gist of it is to wake up at 5 am and get a specific routine done in the early hours of the morning, which includes:

• 🧘🏻‍♀️ Meditation

• ☑️ Affirmations

• 💡 Visualization

• 💪🏻 Exercise

• 📖 Reading

• ✍🏻 Journaling

A motivated couple of friends and I started doing it.

It was hard. But the hardest days weren’t so because the routine was hard: the hardest days were those in which, when it was 7 am, and I was done doing the whole ritual, I’d look around me and think, “I want to go back to bed”.

I did it once or twice. Or more.

Because what was I to do? I didn’t really have things I wanted to work on—or maybe there were, but I had no motivation to do them. Sure, I needed to be looking for jobs, but I could endure feeling that miserable for only a couple of hours a day. So, I slept.

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Nowadays, sometimes, I wish that the day would have more hours so that I could do all the things I want (and have to 😅).

I’ve been agonizing over how to go about writing for a while now. I have the first draft of a novel done. It’s terrible. Not in a judgmental way, but, seriously, in a factual way—that’s just how a first draft is supposed to be. It needs to be fixed—but before I can actually fix it, as in rewrite it, I have to come up with a strategy on how to fix it.

Therefore, I want to read more books on writing. I want to read fiction, too, though, because I need references and inspiration. Let’s not forget research for worldbuilding—A LOT of research, because I didn’t bother while writing the first draft (”It kills my writing flow,” I’d say…). Also, I feel like I should be writing something, or I’ll lose the little skill I developed.

I should go to work, too, because yes, I ended up finding one—a comfortable part-time job in sales, in a company I like, with a good atmosphere and friendly colleagues. I want to spend time with my husband and friends, do sports, and care for my health, I guess. Sleep, if need be (I’m joking, I tend to be protective of my shut-eye 😬). And it would be nice if sometimes I’d be able to do nothing at all.

Every time I get excited because I want to get more serious with this writing thing, I start planning what to do to improve and I get overwhelmed. And I feel dumb complaining because I don’t even have a full-time job or kids! How are you supposed to do it all then?

I am trying to settle on a plan. I know that this project of mine, in the way that I am tackling it, will take time—and I’m talking not of weeks or months, but years, realistically. That’s okay. I’m in for the long run.

But anxiety creeps up every once in a while. In those moments, I try to remind myself that, really, I feel alive. So much more alive than in those years in which I had time, but nothing I wanted to do.

To be completely honest, I’m not sure how exactly I arrived at this point. That’s why I wrote at the very beginning of this entry, “I feel lucky”. I wonder how, and I find the topic fascinating—I may dive deeper into it some other time.

I guess, all I want to say is that, if I could, I’d like to tell to my past self who felt somewhat lost and wasn’t sure what to do with her time, and wished she knew and was more motivated—I just wish her to know that it can change. I don’t know how exactly, but it can change.

Did you also experience a time when you didn’t know where you were headed? Did it change, and can you tell me how? Also, got any tips on time management?

If you have any thoughts on what I shared, let me know by simply replying to this email!

Take care,

Rye Youbs

1. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod—a self-help book I read years ago. What stuck with me until now: if you want to achieve something, you first have to become the person who can achieve it. Also, it prompted me to journal in the morning instead of the evening, which improved by a lot my ability to be consistent with it.
On the negative side: I remember being annoyed at how much the author tries to convince the reader of how amazing this routine is and how it won’t be difficult at all to stick with it because everyone falls in love with it. Not exactly my experience.