What makes you a writer

On feeling angsty, remembering how I started writing, and reframing goals.

I’ve been feeling fidgety these past few days. Because of different reasons, I made nearly no progress with my first draft-rewrite project last month.

It was to be expected: I’ve been on vacation, which always throws me out of rhythm. And to be fair, it’s not that I have been doing nothing: the newsletter is going well and I’m nearly done writing a short story. But the draft of my novel should be the bigger and more important project.

That made me wonder, why do I care so much now? I get antsy if I don’t make enough progress on my story for a month or two; but, in the past, there have been entire years of me going on without writing at all with no problem. I wasn’t happy about it, but it didn’t cause me great anxiety—at most, it was a source of frustration or mild regret.

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For a long time, I used to think a lot about writing, abstractedly, as something I thought would be cool to be able to do (more about different types of “want” in this post). In high school, I wrote a couple of short stories that I shared with a few friends and I started imagining my big, grand, book idea. I think I wrote a couple of chapters? I had a bunch of notes, that’s for sure. Then I went to university, and my writing efforts diluted away.

The point is: I was far from consistent. It’s a pity, but I know why it didn’t work out. I was stuck with the conviction that it was worth becoming a writer only if I could immediately write a bestselling, amazing, unique book. That belief threw me in a loop: I would get excited about writing, come up with ideas, put the pen to paper, and then realize that I don’t have the skills to write like that, so what is the point? And I’d give up.

It has taken me embarrassingly long to realize that writing is a skill to be honed—that it’s part of the process to suck at first, and it’s all a matter of practice. Also, it has taken me embarrassingly long to realize that I don’t need to become a bestselling author to write. The idea that my first book needed to be a great hit in hindsight was very naive—and detrimental, as it stopped me from writing, instead of motivating me.

Now I know that some of the most successful authors needed to write for many years and many books before getting published. Brandon Sanderson, for example, wrote 13 books before selling a manuscript¹, and now he is one of the greatest SFF authors around².

Interestingly, it is partially thanks to him, a world-renowned and established author, that I realized that my goal doesn’t have to be to become a world-renowned and established author. This is what Brandon Sanderson says in the introduction to the BYU 2020 creative writing class (of which all the videos are free to watch on YouTube³—it’s great content, I highly recommend it):

For the purpose of this class I’m going to pretend that you want to be a professional writer in science fiction and fantasy within the next 10 years.
You do not have to have that as your goal. Let’s make that very clear. […] You don’t have to have, as your goal, that you want to be a professional writer. You can write because it’s good for you, and I really think it is.
In our society, if someone came to me in their 40s, like I am, and I’m like, “What do you do?” And they’re like, “Oh, I love to play basketball. I go play every Wednesday,” I would not jump to, “When are you going to play for the NBA?” […] But I would think, “That’s great! That’s good for you!” Going and being active and having a hobby, going and playing a sport, it’s just really good for you.
I sincerely believe that writing stories is the same way, that simply learning to communicate better, learning to take the stories in your head and put them on the page in a way that people will find engaging and will connect to emotionally, this is just good for you.

Lecture #1: Introduction — Brandon Sanderson on Writing Science Fiction and Fantasy, minute 4:37-7:05⁴

Around four years ago, I realized, I could write just for the sake of it. I realized that maybe there is a value in doing something difficult just… because. Until then I was struggling, going back and forth, wondering if to write something, regretting not having written anything for years, trying to convince myself it was too late anyway…

Then, something clicked in my mind. At this point, I had finished studying and I had moved to another country, busy figuring out my life (that was around the time I was reading The Miracle Morning, as I wrote in this post). I hadn’t done any writing for a long while and was mostly “fine” with it, but I still found myself wrestling every once in a while with thoughts of it.

I have this specific memory of driving home, I don’t know from where, and dealing with this question again: a little part of me wanted so badly to be a writer, but what did that even mean?

The answer popped up in my mind: a writer is someone who writes. Easy as that. And I did write. Years ago, sure. Badly, sure. But I did write.

I was a writer. Just an extremely inconsistent, inexpert, lazy one. To sum it up, a terrible one.

For how weird it may sound, that realization filled me with warmth. Until that point, I hadn’t known how to be a successful author with a bestselling, amazing, unique book. It was such an unrealistic and distant goal, that it frustrated me—that’s why I’d given up on it.

But now the situation was reframed. I was a writer, just a bad one. The goal wasn’t to publish a book; the goal was to become better.

I thought, I can do that. I can become a better writer than now. (Honestly, at that time I was doing so little, doing anything already meant improving 😂).

That, and listening to Brandon Sanderson’s words, and finding later on other kindred spirits interested in writing, helped me, step by step, to become a little better. And a little better. And a little better.

I ended up caring more and more about this craft, and now I am invested in it.

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Did you also have a similar experience, in which reframing a goal of yours helped you become more consistent? Or are you more invested now in something you weren’t in the past, or vice-versa?
Let me know by simply replying to this email or leaving a comment!

Take care,

Rye Youbs

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Referred to in this entry

You can't decide what you want

Having something you want to do

1. On Brandon Sanderson writing 13 books before getting published — here the full story, written by the man himself.

2. On Brandon Sanderson being one of the greatest SFF writers around — this guy broke the Kickstarter record of all time (41 million dollars!) by offering the backers four “secret” books: meaning, all everybody knew about these books was only that he wrote them. Nothing else. No blurb, no information on the genre, not even the titles had been decided yet! Fans have simply that much trust in him.

3. Brandon Sanderson’s BYU 2020 creative writing class — here again is the link to the full playlist on YouTube.

4. On the transcription of Brandon Sanderson’s introduction to his class — here is the link to the exact moment of the video. Also, a little personal fun fact for you, who is reading the very last footnote of this entry: I find myself crying every time I listen to this. There is something in me that deeply resonates with it… maybe it’s something I need to be reminded of. Yes, I’ve cried again while transcribing it here.